Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
