No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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