i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
