I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
