Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
