Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
