Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
