My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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