my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
