i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
