I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
