I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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