If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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