every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize