i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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