well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
