My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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