porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
