ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
