that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
