Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
