I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
