I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I supernannyed him into submission
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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