this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
try to milk me bitch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
