i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
