she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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