The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
