Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
