One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
