My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize