OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
