What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize