Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
