the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
