addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
