Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
