Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think my moral compass just broke
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
