hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
is it fun? or sober?
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