well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
