The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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