I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
