I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
