We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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