I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
