no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize