i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
