can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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