That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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