And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize