he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
