I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
