I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
