You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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