she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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