I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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