the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
