Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
