my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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