I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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