grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
