The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
