Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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