I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
