The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
