I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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