dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
