The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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