maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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