On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
