Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
