One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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